Recently this column has set out to answer the question, “What do families of high achieving students do differently?” Successful practices were given in two areas – what happens in the home and what happens between the home and the school. This last column on the topic will cover a few final thoughts on the question.

One key to helping children be successful is to let them know they have great value.  This means accepting children as they are and helping them develop their unique potential. Expecting them to be what they are not can be very discouraging. It can also cause young people to give up or rebel.

Sometimes parents see their children through the lens of their own interests and dreams. For example, because this writer is a big baseball fan he pushed his sons to be baseball players. This worked well for the first three who naturally liked baseball. For the others, who did not have this interest or ability, it was a mistake.

Perhaps a young person has aptitudes and interests totally different from his or her parents.  The wise mom and dad will look for the good in those interests and do everything they can to help him or her develop them.

In one of his many excellent books on parenting, James Dobson gave this advice: “Find out what your children enjoy and do everything you can to help them develop that interest.” Through finding success in at least one area, a young person can gain confidence and positive self-esteem. These two attributes can help launch a young person to future success.

Dobson also recommends allowing young people to try many different activities. This process of experimentation increases the likelihood of finding the niche that best fits the person.

It is important, however, to not over commit children. Life is too short to put children in a nonstop revolving door of activities. Kids still need to be kids. Having time to play and just relax is also essential for children’s development. Finding the right balance between activities and free time can be a challenge. Wise and thoughtful parents work hard to find this balance.

Finally, when all is said and done, the most important gift parents can give their children is a strong moral character. Simply helping sons and daughters be academically successful is a hollow victory if they do not become good people in the process. Creating very intelligent self-centered offspring is not an accomplishment. It is a failure.

The most effective strategy parents can use in this area is to be today the type of people they want their children to become tomorrow. No amount of preaching can undo a bad example. Again, I think it was James Dobson who said, “Values are not taught, they are caught.”
This can be a frightening thought to parents. Each must ask the questions, “What type of example am I presenting for my children? If they turn out just like me, is that a good thing?”

The second most important way parents can develop positive values in their children is to make sure they give their children adequate amounts of their time. Both quantity and quality of time are important. Significant time together allows moms and dads to teach their young people right from wrong. It also gives children the opportunity to learn from their parents’ examples.

Time is something a parent will never get back. It can be an ally if used well. It can be an enemy if wasted.

It is hoped some of the ideas of the last three weeks can be of use to moms and dads. The most important accomplishment they can have is leading their children down the right paths in their lives. This is a very challenging assignment. Again, James Dobson said it well: “Parenting is not for cowards.”

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